take a load off Levon

I found out today that the title character in Elton John's song Levon was named after Levon Helm of The Band.

For some reason, that makes my life a little sweeter today.

Happy Cinco de Mayo.

Let's go camping.

i had a dream i stood beneath an orange sky

John Lucas Gambill.
Yeah, I met my husband.  :)

After all these years of falling in love and falling in lust with all these wonderful men.  After all these years of not believing in soulmates.  After all these years of "making it work".  After all these years of crying during lovey-dovey scenes not because they were sweet, but because I was sure I'd never know a love like that.  After all these years of rationale and systematic thinking...

My heart is ruling my head.  Actually, my heart is changing my head's mind about everything I ever thought I wanted.  John fits all the needs I knew I had and he does it in a way that challenges me constantly, while still making me incredibly happy and satisfied.

...On a sadder note, my lifelong neighbor, practically grandmother and dear friend Patsy Wilson lost her battle to cancer this past Friday.  She was fully dedicated to the Lord and her family and all the rest of us.  I loved her with my whole heart.  One time, in high school regretfully, I needed to bake a cake, had no idea how, and so I called Patsy for help.  She said, "Oh honey, just come over and I'll do it and you can entertain me."  So that's what I did.  That's how Patsy was...talented and interested in people. 

Her husband Jim was holding my hand and I was buried in his shoulder the other day at his house while we were reminiscing about his wonderful wife.  He said (in his childlike deaf-man voice), "You know, not all people think this about their other half.  But she was my favorite person in the whole world."

The basis of this post, in reverse order:

I love Jim. I loved Patsy. I'm in love with John.
And Jesus' love overwhelms us all.

dawn breaks like a bull through the hall

Well, here I am a couple months later dating an entirely different man.  A man who embodies few of the characteristics I thought I was looking for.  A man quite opposite from the other men I've dated.

He has all these things about him that if I were to write them down, I would cringe and possibly even run the other direction.  But you know what?  He makes me laugh.  He makes me giddy.  He listens to me and respects me.  He cares about my stories.  He gets sidetracked with me.  He makes me so fantastically happy.  I can't believe this is happening.

This is the first time I've ever been in a relationship and still felt free.  Somehow, in a very short amount of time, it's all turned around.  I feel like I found my anchor and my sail.

Roomie

Hey.

Want to live with me, Missy Elliott, and Caitlin Hay in Ft. Thomas, KY for approximately $200/month utilities included?

Please?

Otherwise we're screwed and won't be able to make rent. You don't want that, do you?

:) Right. So move in.

Male, Female, Tranny, whatever. We're keeping our options wide open.

Currently Listening Only With Laughter Can You Win By Rosie Thomas Red Rover see related

you are mars calling up neptune's daughter

as a writer, i love a little bit of irony.  the last xanga entry i made was about dating a man named patrick, whose heart i very recently broke.  the title of said journal entry was a song that i just happened to have in my head that day.  now, days after my re-entrance into the heartbreaker hall of fame, i noticed that said song was perfect for how i feel now, rather than how i felt then.

i.e. it reads of willful and painful discovery, rather than blissful optimism.

here, read for yourself:

Yesterday, when you were young,
Everything you needed done was done for you.
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone,
What can you do?

You and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now.

You know there will be days when you're so tired that you can't take another step,
The night will have no stars and you'll think you've gone as far as you'll ever get

But you and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now
And yeah, yeah, go where you want to go
Be what you want to be,
If you ever turn around, you'll see me.

I can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself

And you and me walk on
Yeah you and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now
Walk on, walk on, walk on
You can't go back now

so maybe i'm just not meant to be in a relationship right now.  maybe i'm meant to be this free-spirited gypsy girl for a just a little while longer.  maybe there's more i need to learn about the road, about Jesus and his love, about bad livers and broken hearts.  maybe i need to understand how my wild side fits more concisely into this cookie cutter Christian thing.  maybe i just need to finish my degree about heaven and then get the hell out of here for a while.  it's all up in the air.

but i'm not afraid to fly.